This is my busiest month of the year. I photographed 3 weddings in 7 days, and I have two more to come this weekend. Then, almost as suddenly as it began, my summer 2013 wedding season will be over. I’m not nearly as stressed as I expected to be at this point, which I take to be a good sign that I’ve planned well and am feeling more confident in my abilities, though I admit to being tired. This is the point in the year, though, when my blog becomes an endless parade of pretty people I’ve seen and places I’ve been. I love sharing those things, but my life isn’t ALL weddings and travel. In fact, it’s mostly just sitting with my computer at my table, in workout clothes (boundless optimism!). It’s never really been my style to, uh, share what’s in my heart (the phrase alone inspires bilious feelings), but in the spirit of The Middle Finger Project‘s great post on removing filters, I thought I would write about a few things that would otherwise never appear on this blog:
- The exquisite agony of having 48 currently available weekends in 2014 and already having turned away 4 couples for wanting those few dates that are booked. Whhyyyyyycan’tIphotographalltheweddings?!
- I had an orthodontist appointment two weeks ago that moved some hooks and wires around in my mouth — I’ve been catching and tearing my lower lip on my braces a dozen times a day since then.
- Being slightly annoyed with myself that I didn’t make the effort to go out and photograph the Perseids.
- Tackling jam for the first time ever and experiencing general success, except for the night I couldn’t sleep due to anxiety over whether or not I’d given myself Botulism poisoning. (I had not.)
- Related: writing the name of the jam en français for AG’s parents and accidentally using the Spanish word for one of the ingredients. Mortifying.
- The embarrassing fact that I have no idea how to talk about my business in person (frankly, I really undersell how well I’m doing), and that I greet every bit of in-person praise with something like utter shock. Part of it is the self-pinching-surprise that I do get to make a career of doing this thing that I love and that I am good at (and amazement that other people think I am good at). Part of it is a lifetime of anti-feminist social messaging (girls, don’t be too confident in your opinions or abilities! gasp!). Part of it is just that aside from the enormous energy I expend during weddings to act like completely unlike myself, I’m generally introverted and confused when people talk to me at all. But mostly? I just really need to get better at presenting myself the way I want to be seen: as a confident and successful businesswoman and artist of integrity.
- Related: getting really mad when people assume that wedding photography is something I do as a hobby/getting really elated when I get a happy email from a client (I never take those for granted. In fact, I assume you hated your photos unless you specifically say otherwise). There are exhausting emotional peaks and valleys to this job and I have the feeling of constantly navigating a tightrope between Taylor-Swift-level “aw shucks” desperation for approval and full-on braggadocio. Or maybe I just have an anxiety disorder.
- AG and I went on a frog walk put on by the Nature Trust of NB and discovered on arrival that we were the only people who had come without children. Whoops.
- I was way better at finding frogs than any of those 6 year olds.
- I’ve had a browser tab with the 7 Minute Workout open for at least two months now and I have not done the workout even once. The seven. minute. workout. Not even once.
There are currently 1,520 photos on my computer waiting to be processed, and at least twice that many more on cards and external hard drives waiting for my computer to have enough free memory space that I can work on those, too. None of them particularly fit this post.